13going31

When I was 13...

Masa tu baru naik Form 1 kot...pakai pun semua selebet lagi...still tomboy like lah...walaupun skolah semua pompuan, still aku tak bley nak act like a lady sangat...and I am not a lesbian.
Masa umoq 13, cita² nak simpan rambut panjang...ceh...sampai habis PMR tak penah. Pastu berangan nak jadik pengawas...which I was selected as prefect yg every year kena panggil dengan Cegu Disiplin...puiii
Takdak boipren sbb tak reti. penah ada crush kat anak jiran tapi setakat seuka tgk ja...dah tak dak org lain kat lorong umah aku and aku bukan jenih merayap. Still maintain kawan2 skolah rendah yg dok sekampung and masih tak dapat kebebasan mcm budak umoq 13 masa tu.
Curfew sblm magrib. No keluaq after magrib. tusyen boleh naik basikal tapi tak bleh merayap sbb time was counted. Tak bleh pakai shorts atas dr lutut, no singlet, no sexy outfit not many male new male friends and not even active in anything.
Tak dak hala tuju sangat masa tu. Tau belajaq nak bagi lepas ja PMR supaya bleh kelauq dr skolah tu..ufufu

And now I am 31...

Stuck here in Sarawak and i dont feel isolated sangat pun. Celebrated birthday alone in the room with 2 anak patung. Beli kek sendiri. Beli hadiah sendiri. Bukan nak mintak simpati pun. Kerap sangat dah gitu and still the feeling sama ja.
I do miss the time when people really wish birthday. not by wassap but at least by call. Even my parent using sms??!! Aku, once org tu wassap or sms, aku sampai bila2 akan buat yg sama. If buat lebey, I will make it more too. Appreciation.
I don't have goals or plans anymore. Just live. Just go through it. It is just another usual date. No one cares if it's MY DATE. All i have is God. I am sure He is preparing the best for me. Thank You God.